‘Clueless’ can be purchased for €14.39 at late for supper.

What, how and why?

‘Twas 2008 when God blessed us with a trip to the USA, euphemistically known as America. What is that about, ‘one nation under God’ claiming the name of a whole continent as its very own? I learned on this trip that America was  full of anomalies. Well actually I think I learnt that during my early addiction to ‘The Dukes of Hazard’. For sorry Lithuanian-based-Kiwis like myself, America is one big cultural hazard.

Don’t get me wrong, I survived it, loved it and ate too much. But as the fat faded from my belly, the juxtapositions trampolining in my brain just would not rest and I mean would not rest. I was tormented with such questions as ‘why is the mid-west neither in the middle nor the west?’ The great American phenomenon of therapy was needed. Hence the ‘Clueless in America’, my self-medication, came into creation.

I did not mean to write about my trip. I just woke up one morning and thought, enough is enough and ever since I have been trying to write it out of my head.

Please if you are reading ‘Clueless in America’ can you please help me by filling in this form. I am trying to gather information for prospective publishers or agents.

This is still a work in progress. Chapters are being edited, a glossary and other add-ons are yet to be written. But please feel free to read.

If you prefer to read the chapter by the cafes they were written in please click here. Otherwise just click on the chapter.

Chapter 01. Outside is America

Chapter 02. Chicago

Chapter o3. Southwest Airlines

Chapter o4. California and the rental car

Chapter 05. Just Two Stops

Chapter 06. Redding

Chapter 07. The Healing Service

Chapter 08. The Sunday Services

Chapter 09. Farewell Redding and California

Chapter 10. Idaho

Chapter 11. Steam boat

Chapter 12. Grandmother ship Written in Hotel Pagegiai cafe, Pagegiai, Lithuania.

Chapter 13. Not Williamson’s Orchard Written in Hotel Pagegiai cafe, Pagegiai, Lithuania.

Chapter 14. Is it heaven or is it Texas?

Chapter 15. Where did that year go?

Chapter 16. Pus-Filled Pimple Written in Katiyas Tejai Tirgotava, Sigulda, Latvia.

Chapter 17. Fredricksberg Written in Katiyas Tejai Tirgotava, Sigulda, Latvia.

Chapter 18. The Cafe that I forgot the name of Written in Katiyas Tejai Tirgotava, Sigulda, Latvia.

Chapter 19. Pumpkin Head Written in Katiyas Tejai Tirgotava, Sigulda, Latvia.

Chapter 19a. A hiccup on the road. Help needed!!!

Chapter 20. Hallelujah Written in Katiyas Tejai Tirgotava, Sigulda, Latvia.

Chapter 21. A Truly Sacred Institution

Chaprer 22. My Weird Friend

Chapter 23. Giving Thanks and Taking Thanks

Chapter 24. The Church bit

Chapter 25. A Most Ridiculous Command

Chapter 25a. coffee fuel

Chapter 26. Good bye and fare ye well Texas

Chapter 26a What, how and why?

Chapter 27. A Dire Warning for all Readers

Chapter 27a. The Writing of the Registered Tradmark

Chapter 28. The Chapter where I Lose my Friends

Chapter 29. Need another Horse for the Race

Chapter 30. It wasn’t O’Hare

Chapter 31.  Where has all of the Coffee gone?

Chapter 32. It’s all in a road sign.

Chapter 33. Canada, it is not the USA

Chapter 34. Emotionally Drained Written in Chu Chus Cafe, West Kildbride, Scotland.

Chapter 35. Please Notice Us, We Are From Wisconsin Written in Chu Chus Cafe, Scotland.

Chapter 36. Shopping; Cute and Then Kohls Written in Chu Chus Cafe, West Kildbride, Scotland.

Chapter 37. The ‘Holy Trinity’. ‘Cafe’, ‘The Book Shop’ and ‘the Holy Toilet’

Chapter 37 was written in Tinderbox cafe  in Merchant City, Glasgow, Scotland.

Chapter 38. Empty Nest Syndrome

Chapter 38a. America the Land of the Anonymous Plastic Bag

Chapter 39. GPS, Grossly Pathetic System

Chapter 39a. The Changing of a Name

Chapter 39b. Ziploc Bag, Choose a New Name.

Chapter 40. Leave the Lights Off Please

Chapter 41. Blind Faith

Chapter 42. Summit Lake

Chapter 43. The Irish Shooting Season

Chapter 44.  It was Bloody Rare, Part 1

Chapter 45. It was Bloody Rare, Part 2

Chapter 46. Photos in the Mist

Chapter 47. Eat and get Absolutely Stinkin’ Fat

Chapter 48. Wheel Out the Doughnuts and Get Out of Town

Chapter 49. Green Bay Socialites

Chapter 50. Come Hell or High Water Written in Costa Coffee, Milngavie, Glasgow, Scotland.

Chapter 51. Burglars and Thieves, Please Do Not Read Written in Costa Coffee, Milngavie,  Scotland.

Chapter 52. Sometimes Breaking Ice Hurts

Chapter 53. Le burger et La Crescent Written in Restoranas Feliksas, Palanga, Lithuania.

Chapter 54. Betsie’s Home Coming Written in Restoranas Feliksas, Palanga, Lithuania.

Chapter 55. Elvis has Left Building (The final chapter)

Did you enjoy it? Please leave comments on my blog and let me know. Also though the price to produce the ‘Clueless in America’ is minimal, please feel free to donate towards its production. Its production is costing me money and I am un-waged.

Once again please feel free to

towards its production.

Watch this space for more.

Cheers

Kel

Please keep reading after the photo.

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The Writing of the Clueless in America

Just thought just in case anybody was interested that I would endeavour to explain my process of writing.

I guess the first thing to remember is that I never meant to write this story. It is all done by memory and lacks attention to any detail that is worthwhile. This is intentional and what I like the most about my writing.

My favourite place to write is in cafes. There I can think, the hub and the bub of people talking, cups clanging and of course the cappuccino machine foaming, seems to just kick me into action. Usually I manage to sit on the one coffee for a few hours and write hard. Though in cafes I do miss google and dictionary.com. The luxury of cafe writing is something that is usually reserved for holidays. It is during my holidays where I manage to get ahead of my blog. Usually the latest chapter posted at out for lunch was written a minimum of three weeks earlier.

I have a day job, unpaid but a day job. out for lunch and late for supper are my hobbies and are designed not to conflict with the other six days of the week. I write like clock-work on Monday mornings between breakfast and the gym or between 10am and 12noon.

Naturally enough I start with making the coffee. Coffee is important to my writing, it is my comfort drink and no doubt the caffeine helps as well. Next it is time to wake up the computer and release the jazz from its file. Jazz because it is groovy without words. I cannot think words and listen to words at the same time. Oscar Peterson is by far my favourite artist. Then I open the file that is marked by a tree and titled ‘Ziploc’, followed by opening out for lunch, google and my dictionaries. Next I amble into the kitchen and gather my coffee. My favourite coffee is a fare trade organic Caffe L’affare. But anything fair trade and organic works well for me. Next I log into facebook and often tweeter and let the world know what I am drinking, to whom I am listening and that I am writing the Clueless in America.

Now I am ready to start the process. The first thing I do is go over the corrections from the last chapter whcih Sharon checked. I am dyslexic and the frustrating side of that gift is the many spelling and grammar mistakes that I make. Then I read through all of the previous unchecked unpublished chapters. This makes Sharon’s job easier and also helps me get into the zone. Once all this is done, I write.

Writing for me is like surfing. I just float out there on the waters of my imagination continuously scanning my peripherals waiting for the wave that is going to carry me in. So what this means is that I just start writing the story, knowing that sooner or later I will get excited about something in the story. I always like to write about the other side of the coin, so often when I am writing I start gazing at the art on my desk and turning over the coins of simple subjects; when I find an interesting one, the creative juices start flowing and all of a sudden I am on the wave enjoying the journey. Next thing I know the two hours are up and it is time to push the save button. I do use my photographs and our old journey itinerary to help my memory, but when I get in the zone things are surprisingly clear.

The last thing I do in the morning is print any chapters that I have checked and give them to Sharon to check during the week. Then I am off to the gym.

After the gym, after lunch and after an episode of ‘Star Trek’ I return the Clueless in America. It is time to put it on the blog. With practice this has become a relatively simple affair. I add the ‘read about blah blah next week blurb, put my Paypal donation button on and then post it. After it is posted and checked on-line, I add the link to the chapter on the Clueless in America page and the blog sidebar.  And then finally when America comes on-line I facebook and tweet that the chapter is posted. And that is how it is written.

It is my dream and hope to put it in book form and sell it. The book will have a few extras that will not be available on-line. This is my bait to lure you into a sale. Among other things I plan on adding an extensive and funny glossary of ‘Kel slang’.

Any money donated or earned through out for lunch and late for supper to date goes straight back into my art. I am also very keen to invest into other artists who believe their artistic abilities are a gift from God and who exercise a kingdom approach to their art. If this is you and you are trying to find your artistic feet, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading, I do enjoy your comments on facebook and at out for lunch, please keep them coming. And thanks to all of those who indirectly help make both out for lunch and late for supper possible.

And that is me for this wee boring blurb, hope it was helpful.

Cheers Kel

The art on my desk is a Lithuanian calendar that lacks February and November.
A Tomas Seckus painting of a child.
And a Brian Nisbett photo of a Scottish loch on a trademark overcast day.

The Changing of a Name.

The name ‘America – The Land of the Ziploc Bag’ is formally being changed to the temporary name of  ‘America – Lost in a Registered trademark’

The reason being the word ‘Ziploc’ is a registered trademark.

If you are interested in the process, please read on.

Email 1 Written to the Customer Relationship Centre for SC Johnson, USA.

Comments:Dear Sir/Madam

Please can you take a look at my blog. I am using the word Ziploc Bag in the tittle. I was about to produce a tee-shirt with the words ‘Ziploc Bag’ on it and then I was reminded that the word Ziploc is trade marked.

Please check out my blog at http://www.lunch.lt/ziploc-bag and advise me. I am hoping to publish a book with the same tittle.

Waiting you reply.

Yours faithfully
Kel Fowler

Email 2 From the Customer Relationship Centre for SC Johnson, USA.

Thanks for contacting us, Kel.

I have forwarded your email to the appropriate department for handling. Someone should be responding to you shortly.

If you have future comments or product information needs, we invite you to visit or e-mail us again at www.scjbrands.com.

Regards,

Courtney

Email 3 Written to the Customer Relationship Centre for SC Johnson, USA, 15 days later.

Dear Courtney

Thanks for you reply, as yet I have not been contacted by the
appropriate department and am interested in your reply.

Please when can I expect a reply?

Cheers Kel

Email 4 From the Customer Relationship Centre for SC Johnson, USA.

Kel,

We appreciate your patience while we look into your request further. Someone will be getting back to you as soon as possible.

Regards,

Denise

Email 5 Written to the Customer Relationship Centre for SC Johnson, USA.

Thanks Denise

Email 6 From the SCJ Supervisor, Oy Transmeri Ab, Finland.

Dear Kel,

many thanks for contacting SCJ concerning the usage of Ziplock name in your t-shirt and book. It is great that our brand has made so good impression but we are not able to give the permission to use it in the purposes not managed by SCJ company itself.

We hope you all the best

Kind regards

Soile

Email 7 To the SCJ Supervisor, Oy Transmeri Ab, Finland.

Thanks for letting me know, I kind of expected that. I presume the same also applies for my blog?

It will take me quite some time to remove your brand from everything, but I will start doing that.

Cheers Kel

Email 8 From the SCJ Supervisor, Oy Transmeri Ab, Finland.

Dear Kel,

Unfortunately yes it also applies for your blog.

kind regards

Soile

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